As leaders, we are frequently engaged in conversations with colleagues to transform behavior. Perhaps we want teachers to adopt a curriculum; to manage their classrooms more effectively; to be more positive with students and families; to turn their lesson plans in on time, to assume more leadership...
We find ourselves at this conversation crossroad because the behavior isn’t meeting our expectations and we want and expect change. We can think of these moments as “difficult conversations,” but I prefer to call them Authentic Conversations because language drives intention and action: if we think it will be difficult, it likely will be. If, however, we set our intention toward successful outcomes and approach conversations from this mindset, the potential for success is exponentially increased.
The model below is rooted in four concepts ↔
We are all engaged in Continuous Learning
The Leader Coach holds a higher vision of staff members than they may hold of themselves.
Change is driven by The Why. *
Trusting relationships and respect are at the heart of leading, managing and embracing change, and make it possible to engage in tough feedback when the situation calls for it.
Below is a sample opening script for an Authentic Conversation with the desired outcome of adjusted behavior. Before engaging, it’s wise to pause, focus, breathe and have the intention to bring out the best in the other person. (Always have Authentic Conversations face to face: never through email.)
Script Amalia, here’s something I know about myself that I’m working on: tone and interactions. It’s been really helpful to me when people give me feedback. ↔ (Continuous Learning) So I’d like to give you some feedback because I see your potential as a strong instructional leader on campus. ↔ (Higher Vision than she may hold of herself). To be successful, it’s important to understand how we come across because self awareness is key to leadership. ↔ (The Why). Can I offer feedback? (Wait for the Yes which almost always is the answer.) ↔ (Respect)
The Amalia I met in August – the one who used to smile and radiate joy, is not the same Amalia I see now in October. For example, when I said good morning today, you shrugged your shoulders. When I pass you in the hall, you make no eye contact and often wear a frown. You have a strong influential presence and I am concerned that you are bringing this to our kids and influencing other colleagues’ moods. What has changed for you here at school since August?
Two notes on the Script:
1: It’s important to describe the actual behavior rather than ascribe intention. For example: The coach might have said, “You seem aloof in the hall.” But that is a subjective assumption rather than a Specific Observation and doesn’t offer Amalia any clues to her behavior to help her know what she might change. Specific Observation names the gestures and postures that create the assumption.
2: Notice that the coach says: “Here at school.” This is a way to narrow the scope of the conversation and respect Amalia’s personal life.)
Next step: Allow Amalia to tell her story during which she may introduce personal information. Regardless of what she brings to the conversation, always bring it back to what she and/or you can do to help her solve the problem so she can be the effective teacher and future leader you envision her to be. This will require you to embrace duality:
Be compassionate – remember what it’s like to be in a rough place
Remain true to your vision and expectations.
* The Why: Work Transformationally –Begin with The Why, which should always be rooted in your vision for an education that is in the best interest of our Kids.. The temptation to make tactical or transactional tweaks when engaged in the urgent work of urban education is seductive because it gives us something to do, to try, and doesn’t require fundamental change. It seems easier. But tactical changes, without rooted in the vision, generally do not have an impact on adaptive outcomes and we find ourselves moving from one change to another to try to transform behavior
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