Establishing Trust

Why do some relationships work and others don’t? There are many things at play including discovering that we care about the same things, connecting through circumstance, experience or age. And, there is a lot of mystery involved. Like art: we may not know if it’s good, but we know if we like it.

Malcolm Gladwell, author of Blink, might counsel us that our initial impression, within the first few seconds of meeting, is a true and constant one, one that we should trust as real. While this may be so, we must give coaching relationships time to develop, understanding that the client might feel fearful, exposed or otherwise uncomfortable at first meeting. Or perhaps she is considered a leader by her colleagues and friends – confident and evolved – and might feel embarrassed to need a coach. It might be difficult to admit she’s stuck. Or she might be unfamiliar with what coaching is and feels worried.

One way to build trust is to help people tell their story so that they feel listened to by asking probing nonjudgmental questions that move the person forward. Ultimately, trust is established in any relationship through respect, compassion, and being consistent in our values, commitment and actions.

Next Post: Preparing for the first Coaching session

Coaching Expectations

Work is a place where people come to become better people. Enlightened leaders create this SuperVision through dynamic communication, transparent ethics, and the desire to develop leaders within their organization. For a coaching relationship to be successful, there are expectations for what the coach and the client bring to the relationship.

The Coach has a clear mission, identified values and a vision for how she works with clients. For example, these are my beliefs:

Mission: to work transformationally to bring out the best in clients so they can lead effectively: emotionally, strategically and spiritually.

Values: respect for stories, intuition, individual differences, honesty, clarity, rigor, mistakes, silence, joy, creativity, healthfulness, compassion and mystery.

Vision: clients self-coach and coach others.

The Coach:

• Works transformationally to drive strategic transactions
• Is humane and compassionate.
• Likes the client: The coach and the client must like and respect each other.
• Has her ego in check.
• Shows up on time and expects the client to do the same.
• Focuses full attention on the client; doesn’t multi-task and expects the same from the client.
• Is unhurried and creates an environment that radiates laser focus on the client.
• Knows how to be in the present moment.
• Focuses on the present and future, looking to the past as a guide.
• Helps the client identify and establish reasonable goals and outcomes.
• Nudges the client toward a higher purpose or vision of herself.
• Does what she can to help client arrive at these goals, but is not attached to them. This is not easy to do. Clients have free will and many influences that affect their behavior.
• Helps the client tell his stories in ways that can have an impact on his desired outcomes and goals.
• Pays attention to bodytalk , voice patterns and energy.
• Works at the intersection of knowledge, experience and intuition; intuition is a key component of coaching.
• Is non-judgmental. This is hard.
• Turns judgment and criticism into appreciative inquiry.
• Offers techniques and guidance for clients to solve their own problems.
• Occasionally gives advice.
• Offers resources.
• Respects silence and leaves ample space for it. This can be difficult.
• Listens well with an open mind and heart: isn’t waiting to say something while the client is talking.
• Understands her own issues well enough to know when they are being stimulated.
• Helps clients recognize patterns.
• Does her homework.
• Keeps good notes.
• Works in person and by phone.
• Is patient.
• Holds the space for the client to move around in and try on new ideas.
• Works in strict confidentiality if that’s the agreement.
• Make no assumptions: Seeks to understand.
• Understands that clients can’t be forced to action.
• Is respectful.
• Makes sure to offer realistic, concrete and conceptual ideas to work on for the next session
• Establishes trust.

Next Post: Establishing Trust