Reflection at Year's End
Wending our way to the end of another year always invites reflection. We often seem to navigate quickly past our successes and joy, finding ourselves mired in the do-overs, takebacks, if-only's...Leonard Cohen's words from Anthem, offer a compass.
Ring the Bells that still can ring
Forget your perfect offering
There is a crack, a crack in everything
That's how the light gets in.
Sunday, December 20, 2009
Thursday, December 10, 2009
Gratitude
Robert Emmons, PhD, in Thanks: How the Power of Gratitude Can Make You Happier, says that gratitude requires reflection and contemplation. He reminds us that the etymology of “thinking” and “thanking” are the same. In order to feel grateful we
• Recognize
• Acknowledge
• Appreciate
Interestingly, he also found that in contrast to people who wrote down five things they felt hassled by, the people who wrote down blessings they were thankful for slept better, had more energy, suffered less illness, exercised more, were more optimistic about their future, and felt better about their lives.
Robert Emmons, PhD, in Thanks: How the Power of Gratitude Can Make You Happier, says that gratitude requires reflection and contemplation. He reminds us that the etymology of “thinking” and “thanking” are the same. In order to feel grateful we
• Recognize
• Acknowledge
• Appreciate
Interestingly, he also found that in contrast to people who wrote down five things they felt hassled by, the people who wrote down blessings they were thankful for slept better, had more energy, suffered less illness, exercised more, were more optimistic about their future, and felt better about their lives.
Wednesday, November 25, 2009
Thursday, September 10, 2009
Books that Inspire Me
Here are a few of the many books on my shelf that inspire me and also offer words, passages and quotes for staff meetings and agendas.
Martin Luther King, Jr. on Leadership: Inspiration and Wisdom for Challenging Times: Donald T. Phillips (This is at the top of my list for living leadership through historical perspective.)
Words Under the Words: Naomi Shihab Nye – (I never leave home without this book of poetry.)
Leadership on the Line: Staying alive through the Dangers of Leading: Ronald Heifetz and Marty Linsky (A deep, well-written exploration of what it takes to recognize the traps, negotiate the turns and understand how to navigate the rough waters of transformational leadership.)
Sailing Alone Around the Room: Billy Collins – former Poet Laureat (Includes thought provoking poetry whether serious, irreverent or funny.)
The Collected Poetry of Nikki Giovanni 1968-1998 (A true political poet: Make sure to read Always There Are the Children.)
If Aristotle Ran General Motors: the new soul of business: Tom Morris (How to live in Beauty and Truth in corporate America.)
Paradigm Found: Leading and Managing for Positive Change: Anne Firth Murray
(A woman's view of what the workplace should feel and act like.)
Happier: Tal Ben Shahar (This professor teaches the most popular course at Harvard; he helps us understand the complexity of happiness and how to practice it.)
Destructive Emotions: How Can We Overcome Them? Dalai Lama and Daniel Goleman
(The Dali Lama, who is well versed in science, brought together a group of world experts from a variety of disciplines including Daniel Goleman (Emotional Intelligence), those with deep meditative practices, and renowned scientists for a conclave on the brain and emotions.)
Leadership and Self Deception: Getting out of the Box: The Arbinger Institute (An instructive, quick read written in story form that helps us understand our role in relationships at work and at home.)
The Leadership Pipeline: Ram Charan/Stephen Drotter/James Noel (This deconstructs in easy to practice terms, what we need to do to move from classroom teacher to head of a major organization.)
Creating True Peace: Thich Nhat Hanh (Respected peace activist guides us through the process of integrating peace in our personal and profession lives.)
The DreamKeepers: Successful Teachers of African American Children. Gloria Ladson-Billings (Pioneer in urban education and cultural relevant teaching.)
Sunday, August 16, 2009
Meeting Tools
Prelude
Establish meeting norms together to guide the process
Examples:
Remain present and accountable
Evaluate rather than judge
Respect others’ opinions, styles and rhythms
Keep it situational not personal
Respect silence
Speak your Truth
The Meeting
Decision means cutting off alternatives…(leadership is) the ability to achieve purpose. Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.
Create realistic agenda
Timeline: day ahead; ask for staff input to foster ownership: Lead time allows staff to consider agenda items, come prepared, and sets the expectation for thoughtful meetings. Timely items can still be added at meeting.
Set tone
Place quote, poem or art at top of agenda to reinforce mission, values, vision
Designate allotted time for each agenda item and be willing to adjust to accomodate forward motion
Note who’s responsible for each item
Lead the meeting
Begin with silence to allow staff to be fully present and bring their attention to the space.
Transition out of silence
Examples
Thought for the day, poem or music: these can be offered by staff on rotating basis
One Minute Moment: each staff member offers (within one minute) an
achievement/accomplishment/challenge
Tackle business (agenda items)
Deadlines force decisions:
Close the meeting
Closing ritual examples
One new thing each staff member will try
One thing each is looking forward to
Silence, poem or song
Epilogue
Revisit norms to see how well you were true to them.
Document the meeting
Rotate note-taking responsibility
Use a grid to make notes easier to take and read
See example under Resources
Next Post: Meeting Resources
Wednesday, July 29, 2009
Intro to How to lead a good staff meeting: Creating Sacred Space
Martin King also understood that executive decision-making is not a string of individual orders. Rather, it is more of a continuous, uninterrupted process that is similar to the beating of a heart that sends blood through our body. Without it there is no life. Donald T. Phillips: Martin Luther King Jr, on Leadership.
Leadership is an art form that requires you to work at the intersection of sensitive facilitator and fearless visionary. As a leader, your role is to inspire, cajole, mediate, and motivate your staff to work beyond their self-imposed limitations – to establish a workplace where people come to become better people. Leadership asks you to see and tap the talents that each staff member possesses, to help bring out their best so they can do the same for our KIPPsters; it will bring out your best as well. Enlightened leaders create this SuperVision through dynamic and authentic communication, transparent ethics, and the desire and skills to develop leaders within their organization.
Staff meetings provide common ground to reinforce this culture, creating a sacred space to anchor intention where reverence and rigor reside comfortably. The word sacred is used here in a spiritual not religious context. It refers to creating a space that is dedicated exclusively to a single purpose. A place that is worthy of respect, where we identify and honor our values, manifest a fulfilling and mindful approach to work and life, and be fully present to the possibilities.
The purpose of a meeting is to take care of business, build and nurture teams and reinforce community culture. It’s a time and place to problem-solve, maintain clear and open communication channels, and exchange news that affects the daily management of the organization. Meetings are a place where staff can push through callused patterns, struggle to connect their heads with their hearts, take risks in front of one another, and laugh out loud.
Martin King also understood that executive decision-making is not a string of individual orders. Rather, it is more of a continuous, uninterrupted process that is similar to the beating of a heart that sends blood through our body. Without it there is no life. Donald T. Phillips: Martin Luther King Jr, on Leadership.
Leadership is an art form that requires you to work at the intersection of sensitive facilitator and fearless visionary. As a leader, your role is to inspire, cajole, mediate, and motivate your staff to work beyond their self-imposed limitations – to establish a workplace where people come to become better people. Leadership asks you to see and tap the talents that each staff member possesses, to help bring out their best so they can do the same for our KIPPsters; it will bring out your best as well. Enlightened leaders create this SuperVision through dynamic and authentic communication, transparent ethics, and the desire and skills to develop leaders within their organization.
Staff meetings provide common ground to reinforce this culture, creating a sacred space to anchor intention where reverence and rigor reside comfortably. The word sacred is used here in a spiritual not religious context. It refers to creating a space that is dedicated exclusively to a single purpose. A place that is worthy of respect, where we identify and honor our values, manifest a fulfilling and mindful approach to work and life, and be fully present to the possibilities.
The purpose of a meeting is to take care of business, build and nurture teams and reinforce community culture. It’s a time and place to problem-solve, maintain clear and open communication channels, and exchange news that affects the daily management of the organization. Meetings are a place where staff can push through callused patterns, struggle to connect their heads with their hearts, take risks in front of one another, and laugh out loud.
You might ask: How can I do this and still focus on our mission, keep my primary stakeholder’s best interest at heart and in mind, and conduct business? In fact, your purpose will be clearer and stronger, your team will feel more committed to their work, and the level of productivity will increase when you develop the practice of meetings as sacred space.
Staff meetings provide a place where:
- Everyone owns a piece of the Truth.
- Bringing out the best in others is good for people and good for business.
- Feedback and conflict (even challenging criticism and evaluation) can be a positive, uplifting experience, when the goal is to bring out that best.
- Most people will pursue what they need to learn in an atmosphere of trust and encouragement.
- Passion and laughter are necessary.
These essential elements lead us through the arduous process of self-discovery and self-actualization as we become more authentic and daring. When meetings are sacred spaces, particularly when the organization’s business is people centered like KIPP is, it becomes possible to intentionally live the mission, act on the organization’s values, and embody its vision.
Next Post: Meeting Tools
Wednesday, June 10, 2009
Preparing for the First Coaching Session
Creating ritual around the arrival of a client helps prepare for the meeting. It’s a time to leave behind the moments and situations you have been in, and focus all of your attention on her and to be completely present. There are a myriad of ways to create ritual: make a cup of tea in a mindful way; breathe intentionally; listen to a particular piece of music or read a passage or poem that calms and focuses you; sit in silence. What matters is that you create internal space for the person, and establish your focus and intention.
Some helpful tips:
- Do not check email before a client comes; you never know what will come across your screen that might distract or upset you.
- Allow a few minutes before your client arrives to devote time to think about her.
- Review notes. Jot down what comes to you; remember that intuition is key in coaching.
- Turn off your phones once your client has arrived.
- Breathe.
Greeting your Client
- Welcome your client with clear eye contact and a handshake or hug, depending on your relationship.
- Establish a calm environment.
- Take notice of her demeanor.
- Be seated and engage.
Language
Here are some nonjudgmental phrases to help the client tell her story.
- Tell me more about that.
- What have you already tried?
- How have you solved other similar problems?
- What’s at stake?
- Are there things you are worried about regarding the process or outcome?
About Giving Advice
Clients seek coaching because they want to engage with someone who has experience in the world, sees a bigger picture and can offer another point of view. An effective coach offers SuperVision. In a sense she is a chess wizard: she observes keenly, and uses her wisdom and experience to view the chess game a step or two ahead to anticipate the consequences a particular move the client is considering.
Sometimes giving advice is exactly what the situation calls for. It can be most helpful to make strong recommendations a client hasn’t thought about, and it can sometimes save the client from making an irreparable mistake.
Sometimes a coach helps a client develop a “script” for an authentic conversation she is about to have with another person. Along the way, the coach frequently asks, “What do you think the person’s response will likely be?” The client almost always correctly predicts the answer. If they don’t know you can ask: “If you did know, what would you say?” Clients often can respond to this.
There is no codified way to coach; coaching is an art form that must be practiced to master. Deep listening, keeping your ego in check and trusting your intuition are key to the process. It is wise to ask yourself three questions before responding to a client.
- Is it true and thoughtful?
- Is it authentic?
- Does it contribute to the desired outcome?
I’ll refer to this practice of responses of True, Authentic and Outcome as TAO (commonly pronounced Dow).
Next post: Breaking though calloused patterns
Monday, April 20, 2009
Establishing Trust
Why do some relationships work and others don’t? There are many things at play including discovering that we care about the same things, connecting through circumstance, experience or age. And, there is a lot of mystery involved. Like art: we may not know if it’s good, but we know if we like it.
Malcolm Gladwell, author of Blink, might counsel us that our initial impression, within the first few seconds of meeting, is a true and constant one, one that we should trust as real. While this may be so, we must give coaching relationships time to develop, understanding that the client might feel fearful, exposed or otherwise uncomfortable at first meeting. Or perhaps she is considered a leader by her colleagues and friends – confident and evolved – and might feel embarrassed to need a coach. It might be difficult to admit she’s stuck. Or she might be unfamiliar with what coaching is and feels worried.
One way to build trust is to help people tell their story so that they feel listened to by asking probing nonjudgmental questions that move the person forward. Ultimately, trust is established in any relationship through respect, compassion, and being consistent in our values, commitment and actions.
Next Post: Preparing for the first Coaching session
Why do some relationships work and others don’t? There are many things at play including discovering that we care about the same things, connecting through circumstance, experience or age. And, there is a lot of mystery involved. Like art: we may not know if it’s good, but we know if we like it.
Malcolm Gladwell, author of Blink, might counsel us that our initial impression, within the first few seconds of meeting, is a true and constant one, one that we should trust as real. While this may be so, we must give coaching relationships time to develop, understanding that the client might feel fearful, exposed or otherwise uncomfortable at first meeting. Or perhaps she is considered a leader by her colleagues and friends – confident and evolved – and might feel embarrassed to need a coach. It might be difficult to admit she’s stuck. Or she might be unfamiliar with what coaching is and feels worried.
One way to build trust is to help people tell their story so that they feel listened to by asking probing nonjudgmental questions that move the person forward. Ultimately, trust is established in any relationship through respect, compassion, and being consistent in our values, commitment and actions.
Next Post: Preparing for the first Coaching session
Thursday, April 9, 2009
Coaching Expectations
Work is a place where people come to become better people. Enlightened leaders create this SuperVision through dynamic communication, transparent ethics, and the desire to develop leaders within their organization. For a coaching relationship to be successful, there are expectations for what the coach and the client bring to the relationship.
Work is a place where people come to become better people. Enlightened leaders create this SuperVision through dynamic communication, transparent ethics, and the desire to develop leaders within their organization. For a coaching relationship to be successful, there are expectations for what the coach and the client bring to the relationship.
The Coach has a clear mission, identified values and a vision for how she works with clients. For example, these are my beliefs:
Mission: to work transformationally to bring out the best in clients so they can lead effectively: emotionally, strategically and spiritually.
Values: respect for stories, intuition, individual differences, honesty, clarity, rigor, mistakes, silence, joy, creativity, healthfulness, compassion and mystery.
Vision: clients self-coach and coach others.
The Coach:
- Works transformationally to drive strategic transactions
- Is humane and compassionate.
- Likes the client: The coach and the client must like and respect each other.
- Has her ego in check.
- Shows up on time and expects the client to do the same.
- Focuses full attention on the client; doesn’t multi-task and expects the same from the client.
- Is unhurried and creates an environment that radiates laser focus on the client.
- Knows how to be in the present moment.
- Focuses on the present and future, looking to the past as a guide.
- Helps the client identify and establish reasonable goals and outcomes.
- Nudges the client toward a higher purpose or vision of herself.
- Does what she can to help client arrive at these goals, but is not attached to them. This is not easy to do. Clients have free will and many influences that affect their behavior.
- Helps the client tell his stories in ways that can have an impact on his desired outcomes and goals.
- Pays attention to bodytalk , voice patterns and energy.
- Works at the intersection of knowledge, experience and intuition; intuition is a key component of coaching.
- Is non-judgmental. This is hard.
- Turns judgment and criticism into appreciative inquiry.
- Offers techniques and guidance for clients to solve their own problems.
- Occasionally gives advice.
- Offers resources.
- Respects silence and leaves ample space for it. This can be difficult.
- Listens well with an open mind and heart: isn’t waiting to say something while the client is talking.
- Understands her own issues well enough to know when they are being stimulated.
- Helps clients recognize patterns.
- Does her homework.
- Keeps good notes.
- Works in person and by phone.
- Is patient.
- Holds the space for the client to move around in and try on new ideas.
- Works in strict confidentiality if that’s the agreement.
- Make no assumptions: Seeks to understand.
- Understands that clients can’t be forced to action.
- Is respectful.
- Makes sure to offer realistic, concrete and conceptual ideas to work on for the next session
- Establishes trust.
Next Post: Establishing Trust
Tuesday, March 24, 2009
Work as a spiritual experience
The workplace is not the first place that comes to mind for a spiritual experience. Yet it is here, under florescent lights, in airtight, sometimes windowless rooms, where the spiritual experience takes place. In buildings with rooms that people go to great lengths to decorate to remind themselves who they truly are or want to become.
I always feel as if I'm eavesdropping on someone's private, authentic life when I walk by a cube or enter an office. It is there that I catch a glimpse of a life the person has parked at the door while becoming someone else, whether support staff or CEO. I've seen screen savers in major international companies serve as family photo albums, or scroll "God loves me", or "Live one day at a time emphasizing ethics rather than rules," (Wayne Dyer), or any number of soul-searching/satisfying images. But the daily strains of competition, deadlines and protocols subvert the authentic, fully realized self and therefore the employee's best work.
I'm amazed at the disconnect, its impact on employees, and the daily toll it takes on the soul.
Yet each time I work with a group or a client in the corporate or nonprofit arena, I come away feeling uplifted. That I've connected my outer self to my soul - my work to my purpose. And participants in these sessions report the same to me. Their language of the account may differ, but essentially, that's their experience, too. Clients work hard in our sessions mastering skills. They push through callused patterns, struggle to connect their heads with their hearts, and take risks in front of one another.
And along the way, other things occur. I think that's because, regardless of the work we do together, several principles guide us:
• Everyone owns a piece of the Truth.
• Bringing out the best in others is good for people and good for business.
• Feedback - even negative criticism and evaluation - can be a positive, if not an uplifting experience - when the goal is to bring out that best.
• Most people know what they need to learn and will pursue it if there is trust and encouragement.
• Passion belongs in the workplace. And so does laughter.
These are all part of the arduous process of self-discovery, self-actualization, being our authentic selves, connecting with others and getting really good at something. All essential elements of a spiritual life and a successful business.
It is possible to strive for and experience this kind of life in the workplace. And it's why I keep doing this work.
The workplace is not the first place that comes to mind for a spiritual experience. Yet it is here, under florescent lights, in airtight, sometimes windowless rooms, where the spiritual experience takes place. In buildings with rooms that people go to great lengths to decorate to remind themselves who they truly are or want to become.
I always feel as if I'm eavesdropping on someone's private, authentic life when I walk by a cube or enter an office. It is there that I catch a glimpse of a life the person has parked at the door while becoming someone else, whether support staff or CEO. I've seen screen savers in major international companies serve as family photo albums, or scroll "God loves me", or "Live one day at a time emphasizing ethics rather than rules," (Wayne Dyer), or any number of soul-searching/satisfying images. But the daily strains of competition, deadlines and protocols subvert the authentic, fully realized self and therefore the employee's best work.
I'm amazed at the disconnect, its impact on employees, and the daily toll it takes on the soul.
Yet each time I work with a group or a client in the corporate or nonprofit arena, I come away feeling uplifted. That I've connected my outer self to my soul - my work to my purpose. And participants in these sessions report the same to me. Their language of the account may differ, but essentially, that's their experience, too. Clients work hard in our sessions mastering skills. They push through callused patterns, struggle to connect their heads with their hearts, and take risks in front of one another.
And along the way, other things occur. I think that's because, regardless of the work we do together, several principles guide us:
• Everyone owns a piece of the Truth.
• Bringing out the best in others is good for people and good for business.
• Feedback - even negative criticism and evaluation - can be a positive, if not an uplifting experience - when the goal is to bring out that best.
• Most people know what they need to learn and will pursue it if there is trust and encouragement.
• Passion belongs in the workplace. And so does laughter.
These are all part of the arduous process of self-discovery, self-actualization, being our authentic selves, connecting with others and getting really good at something. All essential elements of a spiritual life and a successful business.
It is possible to strive for and experience this kind of life in the workplace. And it's why I keep doing this work.
Work as a spiritual experience
The workplace is not the first place that comes to mind for a spiritual experience. Yet it is here, under florescent lights, in airtight, sometimes windowless rooms, where the spiritual experience takes place. In buildings with rooms that people go to great lengths to decorate to remind themselves who they truly are or want to become.
I always feel as if I'm eavesdropping on someone's private, authentic life when I walk by a cube or enter an office. It is there that I catch a glimpse of a life the person has parked at the door while becoming someone else, whether support staff or CEO. I've seen screen savers in major international companies serve as family photo albums, or scroll "God loves me", or "Live one day at a time emphasizing ethics rather than rules," (Wayne Dyer), or any number of soul-searching/satisfying images. But the daily strains of competition, deadlines and protocols subvert the authentic, fully realized self and therefore the employee's best work.
I'm amazed at the disconnect, its impact on employees, and the daily toll it takes on the soul.
Yet each time I work with a group or a client in the corporate or nonprofit arena, I come away feeling uplifted. That I've connected my outer self to my soul - my work to my purpose. And participants in these sessions report the same to me. Their language of the account may differ, but essentially, that's their experience, too. Clients work hard in our sessions mastering skills. They push through callused patterns, struggle to connect their heads with their hearts, and take risks in front of one another.
And along the way, other things occur. I think that's because, regardless of the work we do together, several principles guide us:
• Everyone owns a piece of the Truth.
• Bringing out the best in others is good for people and good for business.
• Feedback - even negative criticism and evaluation - can be a positive, if not an uplifting experience - when the goal is to bring out that best.
• Most people know what they need to learn and will pursue it if there is trust and encouragement.
• Passion belongs in the workplace. And so does laughter.
These are all part of the arduous process of self-discovery, self-actualization, being our authentic selves, connecting with others and getting really good at something. All essential elements of a spiritual life and a successful business.
It is possible to strive for and experience this kind of life in the workplace. And it's why I keep doing this work.
The workplace is not the first place that comes to mind for a spiritual experience. Yet it is here, under florescent lights, in airtight, sometimes windowless rooms, where the spiritual experience takes place. In buildings with rooms that people go to great lengths to decorate to remind themselves who they truly are or want to become.
I always feel as if I'm eavesdropping on someone's private, authentic life when I walk by a cube or enter an office. It is there that I catch a glimpse of a life the person has parked at the door while becoming someone else, whether support staff or CEO. I've seen screen savers in major international companies serve as family photo albums, or scroll "God loves me", or "Live one day at a time emphasizing ethics rather than rules," (Wayne Dyer), or any number of soul-searching/satisfying images. But the daily strains of competition, deadlines and protocols subvert the authentic, fully realized self and therefore the employee's best work.
I'm amazed at the disconnect, its impact on employees, and the daily toll it takes on the soul.
Yet each time I work with a group or a client in the corporate or nonprofit arena, I come away feeling uplifted. That I've connected my outer self to my soul - my work to my purpose. And participants in these sessions report the same to me. Their language of the account may differ, but essentially, that's their experience, too. Clients work hard in our sessions mastering skills. They push through callused patterns, struggle to connect their heads with their hearts, and take risks in front of one another.
And along the way, other things occur. I think that's because, regardless of the work we do together, several principles guide us:
• Everyone owns a piece of the Truth.
• Bringing out the best in others is good for people and good for business.
• Feedback - even negative criticism and evaluation - can be a positive, if not an uplifting experience - when the goal is to bring out that best.
• Most people know what they need to learn and will pursue it if there is trust and encouragement.
• Passion belongs in the workplace. And so does laughter.
These are all part of the arduous process of self-discovery, self-actualization, being our authentic selves, connecting with others and getting really good at something. All essential elements of a spiritual life and a successful business.
It is possible to strive for and experience this kind of life in the workplace. And it's why I keep doing this work.
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