Preparing for the First Coaching Session
Creating ritual around the arrival of a client helps prepare for the meeting. It’s a time to leave behind the moments and situations you have been in, and focus all of your attention on her and to be completely present. There are a myriad of ways to create ritual: make a cup of tea in a mindful way; breathe intentionally; listen to a particular piece of music or read a passage or poem that calms and focuses you; sit in silence. What matters is that you create internal space for the person, and establish your focus and intention.
Some helpful tips:

• Do not check email before a client comes; you never know what will come across your screen that might distract or upset you.
• Allow a few minutes before your client arrives to devote time to think about her.
• Review notes. Jot down what comes to you; remember that intuition is key in coaching.
• Turn off your phones once your client has arrived.
• Breathe.

Greeting your Client

• Welcome your client with clear eye contact and a handshake or hug, depending on your relationship.
• Establish a calm environment.
• Take notice of her demeanor.
• Be seated and engage.

Language
Here are some nonjudgmental phrases to help the client tell her story.

• Tell me more about that.
• What have you already tried?
• How have you solved other similar problems?
• What’s at stake?
• Are there things you are worried about regarding the process or outcome?
  

About Giving Advice
Clients seek coaching because they want to engage with someone who has experience in the world, sees a bigger picture and can offer another point of view. An effective coach offers SuperVision. In a sense she is a chess wizard: she observes keenly, and uses her wisdom and experience to view the chess game a step or two ahead to anticipate the consequences a particular move the client is considering.

Sometimes giving advice is exactly what the situation calls for. It can be most helpful to make strong recommendations a client hasn’t thought about, and it can sometimes save the client from making an irreparable mistake.
Sometimes a coach helps a client develop a “script” for an authentic conversation she is about to have with another person. Along the way, the coach frequently asks, “What do you think the person’s response will likely be?” The client almost always correctly predicts the answer. If they don’t know you can ask: “If you did know, what would you say?” Clients often can respond to this.
There is no codified way to coach; coaching is an art form that must be practiced to master. Deep listening, keeping your ego in check and trusting your intuition are key to the process. It is wise to ask yourself three questions before responding to a client.

• Is it true and thoughtful?
• Is it authentic?
• Does it contribute to the desired outcome?
  I’ll refer to this practice of responses of True, Authentic and Outcome as TAO (commonly pronounced Dow).

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