Lazy or Imaginative?

Teaching, coaching and leading to deficits is lazy and unimaginative. Teaching, coaching and leading to assets can be transformational and brings out the best in your teachers and in you. As John Saphier of RBT (Research for Better Teaching) reminds us, teachers stay on their jobs longer and do better when they can be creative and know they will never be humiliated.

What are Norms And Why Do We Need Them?

Norms are community agreements. They can develop passively – family members regularly watching TV during dinner. Or actively – colleagues deciding not to surf the Internet during meetings. Each of these two examples offers a glimpse into family and workplace dynamics. One could surmise from the family example that they don’t take advantage of one of the few times they’re together to deepen their relationships with each other. And we could assume that the colleagues who decided not to surf the internet during meetings have made a mindful choice to give their attention to each other, to be fully present.

Norms, whether passive or active, reflect what we value and have a great impact on relationships and on business; when practiced regularly, they find their way into the cultural DNA of families and organizations. It makes sense then to actively and intentionally create the culture we want to live and work in so that we have robust relationships with people, and can bring out the best in others. This always brings out the best in us and ultimately creates an environment that fosters creativity, rich thinking and a collaborative culture.

When we come together to meet and get business done, we want to create sacred space, one that it is dedicated exclusively to a single purpose: A place that is worthy of respect, where we identify and honor our values, manifest a fulfilling and mindful approach to work and life, and be fully present to possibilities.

How do we develop group norms and how do we get everyone on the same norms page? It’s a question that assumes we’re looking for transformation – The Why – not just The What: tactical or transactional changes. Agreeing not to surf the internet during meetings – The What – for example, is a commitment to be fully present in order to listen, reflect and respond – The Why. Not surfing helps participants look at each other when they’re speaking, to notice bodytalk – The What.

In other words, The Why informs The What.

Developing norms and getting everyone on the same page calls into question our view of leadership, management and authority. “OK: here are the rules: no watching TV during dinner.” This is an authoritative, tactical or transactional response to a situation, vs. transformational: “I really value our time together and want to know what’s happening in each other’s lives, so I’d like to keep the TV off during dinner so we can talk and tell stories.” Getting to The Why opens the door to conversations about what we value, what matters to us, and allows us to examine patterns and habits that have formed.

To develop norms together, we start with the assumption that people want to live and work in nourishing environments where they feel valued and their voices can be heard – where we can agree and disagree without penalty. We can begin our norms discussion with our team by acknowledging this, then we can ask: “How do we want to be present together in our meetings and in the way we interact with each other? What expectations do we have of each other during meetings and beyond? What few things do we need to agree on to foster authentic conversations, to make sure that we’re all paying attention and are respectful of each others’ ideas and styles so we can move the conversation forward? For example, can we agree that we will listen well and not interrupt? That to remain present, we will be “low-tech?” And so on. Then, invite the group to offer their ideas. This can be a rich discussion during which the team’s values emerge and become the focal point. It’s important that everyone feels comfortable with the list they collectively create. Norms are dynamic and can be added to along the way.

Below is a comprehensive list, a compilation of different teams’ norms. It’s important to limit the number to a few key norms you can all live by and to make most of them things you will do rather than won’t do:

• Remain present and accountable (Low-tech and high engagement)
• Evaluate rather than judge
• Respect others’ opinions, styles and rhythms
• Keep it situational not personal
• Respect silence
• Commit to being understood
• Commit to understanding others
• Be mindful about interrupting
• Be kind
• Tell your Truth
• Respectfully work through conflict
• Be aware of bodytalk
• Everyone is accountable to reinforcing the norms

We always hope that at the end of a meeting, people feel good about what happened and are energized to continue working toward commonly shared goals. This can happen when the leader sets the intention that meetings should be a place where:
• Everyone owns a piece of the Truth
• Bringing out the best in others is good for people and good for business
• Feedback and conflict – even challenging criticism and evaluation – can be a positive uplifting experience, when the goal is to bring out that best
• Most people will pursue what they need to learn and change in an atmosphere of trust and encouragement
• Passion and laughter are essential
Norms are fluid and can change as the need arises. Once you have your norms in place, it’s wise to do a quick reminder at the start of meetings as a reminder, then again at the end of each meeting to see if the team thinks it honored them, and what they might need to adjust.

The process of developing norms and living by them leads us through the arduous process of self-discovery and self-actualization as we become more authentic and daring. When meetings are sacred spaces, particularly when the organization’s business is people-centered, it becomes possible to intentionally live its mission and values, and advance its collective vision.

Coach, Lead and Teach to ASSETS ©

Don’t conclude before you understand. After you understand, don’t judge. Ann Dunham, anthropologist.
Evaluate and guide. (Linda Belans)

Urgency is at the core of our work: it pushes us to do whatever it takes for our Kids, turning our impatience with an inequitable educational system into vision and action. Urgency can also direct that impatience to our staff, devolving into coaching to deficits with sentences that being with You’re not, and other phrases that repeatedly send the message to them that they’re not good enough. We know this doesn’t work with students. And it doesn’t work with adults – to retain them or toward achieving our mission.

ASSETS works through inquiry and suggestion to help build essential trusting relationships, which are at the heart of effective coaching. ASSETS creates a mindset to foster successful outcomes. This makes it possible to offer tough feedback when the situation calls for it.

Assess the situation from an open and neutral mind: what will I learn, hear or see today?
Seek information by turning criticism into nonjudgmental inquiry.
Solicit stories to gather data and listen for salient themes to work with.
Extrapolate successful elements and techniques.
Transform successful techniques to apply to challenging situations.
Succeed.

Assess: Before we enter the classroom for an observation, debrief a lesson, or coach a staff member, it’s wise to pause and check our assumptions. We want to make sure we’re entering the room in a mindset of evaluation, not judgment.
→ Will you feel judgmental about the teacher’s inability to capture the students’ attention, or evaluative about the technique she is using to convey information?

The first step is to:

Seek: You walk into a history classroom where the teacher is explaining reasons the United States got involved in WWI. You notice that the students are checked out. Check in with yourself before you check out with the teacher:
→We want to offer successful models to strive toward, rather than dwell on behaviors that don’t work. This sets the tone for true learning and creates pathways for transformation.

A strategy is to:
Solicit: Before you meet with this teacher to debrief the observation, take 60 seconds to focus your attention on her: check your judgment and turn criticism into nonjudgmental inquiry.
Breathe, picture bringing out her best teaching, then enter the debriefing session.

• What worked for you in this class? (Remember: You are using ASSETS to build relationships while offering feedback toward change).


• Why did it work?


• What were your objectives?


• What would you have liked to work better?


• I can imagine it was upsetting to you that your students weren’t paying attention and didn’t seem interested. Talk to me about a recent time when your class was fully engaged.
  →This is an example of framing the parameters of the brief story you are seeking.
  She might reply: We were studying a president whose words were different from his deeds which affected other leaders’ policy decisions. I asked the students to think and talk about the confusion this caused, and to recall for themselves a time when what they said and did were two different things, and how that might have confused people and caused arguments.
  →Soliciting stories and listening for salient themes creates a non-threatening environment, takes the teacher to a successful mindset and helps sets the stage to:

Extrapolate: You point out to the teacher that her students are most attentive and participatory when they engage in critical thinking and inquiry, and when they can relate the information to their own lives (dual purpose teaching).
How were you bringing history alive to make it relevant to the students’ lives?
She might answer: I talked about history as if I were telling a story, with characters, action, conflict and so on. You guide her to:

Transform. What dual purpose lesson do you want to teach about our entry into WWI? It is wise to focus on The One Thing you hope to transform.
She may reply: I want students to learn through history that when they fight with people, there are often many things that contribute to it and can affect lots of other people. I want them to learn that words and deeds are powerful.
How would you transform this to apply it to the situation we are working with?
→“We” is inclusive and let’s her know that you are solving this problem together.

If she doesn’t know how to do this, you can offer:
What about setting the stage for entry into WWI as a play and assign parts; some students could play the countries involved to help them think beyond themselves.
The two of you can tease this out. The teacher is likely lit up by now and you realize that her passion for the topic has returned. She is fully engaged; just as you want her students to be: success floods the room. Offer her resources if she needs them.

Succeed: When doing an observation, debriefing or responding to a situation, it’s helpful to assume that people wake up each day with the intention of doing their best.
→We want to aim our responses to a bigger vision of themselves than they might have.
Offer observations about things that work rather than things that don’t work so they know what is expected and have a tangible outcome to head toward. To help insure follow-through and success, break things down into manageable, realistic chunks so that the teacher can build upon them. Compliment her when she’s mastering the art of teaching by pointing out the specific things she has done so she can continue to transfer and transform them.
→Thoughtful positive feedback and tools build confidence and trust. This makes it possible to have corrective conversations when your feedback is direct rather than through the inquiry process.

Coaching and Mentoring

A mentor is a person whose inspires and invites us to become a better person, someone we admire, who offers guidance as we contemplate and shape our future. When families live in close proximity to one another, the role of mentor is frequently played by a trusted relative or family friend, someone whose wisdom is available by example. But with many of us separated from our family and friends of origin, we consider ourselves fortunate to encounter such a person. Without the natural presence of a mentor, however, some people contract with a professional coach or guide who has a studied understanding of the workplace or situation we’re involved in.

Mentors, coaches and guides help us tell our stories so that we can make sense of our lives. They prod, query and cajole. They tune their ears and intuition to the rhythms, pitches and arcs of our stories and reflect back what they hear to help us know who we are, where we have been, and what we are called to do. A mentor might offer unsolicited advice, and while a coach or guide might say she doesn’t give it, there are times when giving advice is appropriate. So is tough feedback. A mentor may have an emotional investment in our life and future, whereas a coach or guide might say that maintaining an emotional distance is necessary in order to help us progress toward the outcomes and goals we have set with her. The difference between them is more a linguistic one, whether they present themselves to us or we seek them out. While there may be variations in practice and style among mentors, coaches and guides, they share a common intention: to help us reach our fullest potential.

From time to time during coaching, the past will come up as a compass to the present and future. While some coaches are practicing therapists, most are not generally versed in the deeper psychological implications at the root of past experiences. Coaches and guides should, however, be able to help the client discover how patterns influence their present lives, and, when left unexamined, how they can hold sway over the future.

Effective coaches should have deep knowledge of the landscape their client works in. For example, an executive corporate coach should be versed in corporate language, culture and trends and understand the challenges that CEOs face. Those who coach school leaders and teachers should speak the language of a universe that includes the impact of urgency on the client’s leadership and management style; task juggling, relentless deadlines, fast rhythms, instructional leadership, management issues, giving and receiving feedback and working with families and communities. Some coaches and guides are “multi-lingual” with the ability, talent and experience to coach across work cultures and terrains.

There is no codified way to coach; coaching is an art form that must be practiced to master. Deep listening, keeping your ego in check and trusting your intuition are key to the process. We enter into a sacred relationship with people when they entrust us with their well-being, therefore, the responsibility of coaching must be taken very seriously.

Interrupting Patterns

When we’re coaching, we might begin to notice that the client has particular patterns of behavior that emerge when engaging in uncomfortable or challenging situations. We might feel that the client is trying to manipulate us or others, or even discover that we don’t like the person’s behavior. When a client engages in behavior that “presses your buttons,” silently notice your feelings (Feelings Trump Thinking), then ask yourself: What outcome are we working toward, or what problem are we trying to solve? This will move you from your feelings to your brain. This makes it possible to help the client make discoveries about how these patterns could be interfering with his ability to solve problems, have more productive relationships with colleagues and be a successful leader.

It’s important to train ourselves as coaches to view manipulative behavior as a pattern of response that the client has been practicing for a long time because it may have served him in the past. For example: The client may have grown up in a competitive and noisy family and had to interrupt family members in order to be heard. Or perhaps he had to keep his opinions to himself to avoid someone’s wrath. In his role as a leader, this behavior no longer serves him and we want to guide him to see how a pattern of interrupting others, or remaining silent isn’t accommodating leadership. This doesn’t mean that we should mine his childhood looking for clues to his pattern. Instead, we notice and acknowledge the behavior.

Coaching Script
When I become aware of a pattern in a client, I first check in before I check out with him and silently acknowledge any feelings I may have. Reminding myself that all coaching roads lead back to leadership, I then ask myself: What outcome do I want? To help the client be the best leader he can: in this case, it’s to acknowledge the pattern and reshape or replace it. It’s also important to remind myself to feel gratitude for the wisdom he had to develop a pattern that once served him. I then begin with the explanation that we’re grateful for patterns we develop because they can be helpful; sometimes even save us. I use the two examples above example to illustrate this. Then:

 A pattern I notice is that you tend to interrupt (or remain silent). This pattern likely served you well in other areas of your life for reasons that you may or may not recognize. I’m wondering if you can see how it might not be serving you now as a leader. The client almost always recognizes the origin of the pattern and how it now interferes. It’s only important that YOU understand where the pattern developed; I don’t need to know. Our job together is to find a way to reshape or replace this behavior to serve you and your staff more effectively: a way for you to be in charge of the pattern so it’s not in charge of you.

Replacing undesirable behavior is key when trying to change it: when we give up smoking or eating luscious desserts, we are most successful when we replace the cigarette or chocolate soufflé cake with carrots or fruit. It may be unsatisfying for awhile, but eventually we feel better, can breathe more comfortably, smell better, look better and can fit into our favorite jeans again. And, people give us terrific feedback on our new health or look. We’ve broken a pattern that has served us for sometime: the cigarette gave us a jump start, the soufflé was comfort food.

Point of Entry
To disrupt an active pattern, ask a question that takes him to new territory. It is likely that this hasn’t occurred before. The thing that makes patterns work is the dependability of the response the person gets when he enters into his patterned behavior. But if we don’t lob the ball back over the net, he can’t keep hitting it back.

 Example: Risa is in her second year as a leader with a strong vision for her school. She has hired experienced teachers and observes them occasionally. She says that she feels sure that she has made her vision clear, but sees teachers doing things that don’t support this. She is frustrated and feels as if the staff doesn’t respect or view her as a leader. Her interactions with them are generally uncomfortable, but she avoids giving feedback.
As she unfolds her story, her pitch rises and she sounds forceful, even a bit angry. I ask her for an example. She says that she articulated her vision to the staff that all children should be treated with respect. She says she observed one of her teachers in the classroom and has noticed that she sometimes has a negative demeanor in particular situations: the teacher shrugs her shoulders and sighs when a student doesn’t know the answer, then walks away from the student immediately. Risa says this makes her uncomfortable and she doesn’t know how to give constructive feedback in negative situations.

Coaching Script

 Is this issue of conflict something specific to this teacher, or is this a familiar feeling? After some hesitation, she says that it’s always been true. I gently offer: We often develop patterns as a coping or survival method (the child in a noisy family scenario). Does this make sense to your own history. (She doesn’t need to tell me what it is.) I gently remind her: Patterns that once served us might undermine us in a leadership position, so we need to alter the pattern. Them, I help her develop and practice a script for talking with the teacher and trust the client will absorb the lesson of the pattern. It will come up again in other, more sophisticated ways until she gets the lesson and you will have other opportunities to work on this together.
This process of inquiry intertwined with direct feedback and constructs (scripting) moves beyond dual purpose coaching into multi -purpose coaching:

• It helps the leader gain self awareness.
• It offers the leader specific, purposeful, useful tools and scripts that she can translate to other situations.
• It offers her a method for her own coaching of teachers.
While listening to your client tell his story – define the problem, talk about what he has tried, and several possible outcomes – notice when he begins to repeat himself or circle back to the beginning. This is the point where you will want to disrupt the circle by reflecting what you have heard, offer other ways to think about it and new action to consider. Give him time to respond.